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Dealing With Disappointments


Nobody loves being disappointed, I mean, you would be crazy to.

Today I just want to share with you a few tips I have learned over the years on how to deal with disappointment when it happens to me.

Accept it has happened The number one step in dealing with disappointment is accepting that it has happened. Trying to ignore it will not help. Like Tina Gilbertson, the author of Constructive Wallowing; How to Beat Bad Feelings by Letting Yourself Have Them, says, "When you get bad news, take a moment to let it sink in. Also, find a word for how you feel, such as disappointed, resentful, or fear. Labeling feelings helps us make sense of our experience." In other words, allow those feelings become part of you. She also adds, "Experiencing your feelings will allow you to make a cool-headed decision about what to do next​". 


Be Objective - Once you have allowed yourself to feel the disappointment and all other negative emotions that come with it, take some time to look inward and ask yourself this one question; how bad is it really? Do a reality check. I know there are some things such as death that will be bad no matter how you look at them but even then, looking at that situation objectively will always give you a different view of the whole scenario. Look for something positive to build on, no matter how bad a situation is. Frame your thoughts in a way that will bring positive energy into your being. It won't be easy, but it is doable.


Choose your response wisely -  When disappointments happen to us, the first thing we do is react. The danger in doing that is that in most cases our reactions create more disappointments. That is why it is always advisable to think through a situation before you do anything about it. When you think through a situation, you get a chance to ACT and not react. Remember, you may not have any control over what happens to you, but you have full control of how you respond to what happens to you.


Check your emotions - Don't stay in disappointment too long because the more you do, the more the likelihood of it escalating into depression, which then becomes a completely different situation. Accept and move on may sound like a cliche, but it is the best way to deal with disappointing situations. Moving on does not mean you ignore that it happened, it simply means that you have made a CHOICE not to stay in that negative situation unnecessarily long. 


Look for a healthy outlet - for me my outlets are three; reading, listening to music and jogging. When I feel completely overwhelmed by things I have no control over, I look for a book I can get lost in. I know not many people can handle books when stressed but I believe you can look for a different outlet that suits you. 


Don't take stuff personally  -  understand that not everybody will see things from your perspective. When people differ with you or challenge you during your time of disappointment, understand that you all see and understand things differently. The likelihood of you resenting such people is so high, and that is why I encourage you to learn to separate their who from their do


Avoid wrong company - company does not even have to be another physical human being; it could be the activities you choose to engage in. If you have noticed, the possibility of you watching a sad movie or listening to sad songs when you are sad or disappointed is very high. Why, because misery loves company. Avoid situations that will dumpen your spirit further than it already is and instead look for things that uplift you. There's one thing you could do that works like magic; helping someone else who is in need. Could be helping an old lady cross the road, or buying some hungry beggar food, etc. Do something for someone and don't wait to be recognized or appreciated for it. The feeling of satisfaction you get will be enough.


Be Intentional - The only way to overcome a disappointing situation is by being intentional about wanting to get over it. Stop focusing on the "bad" side of the situation and intentionally focus on the good in your life. One of the things you can do in your quest to overcome disappointment is make a list of 10 or more things you are grateful for, and make this a daily habit. The more you are grateful, the more things you will have to be grateful for. An atttidue of gratitude is the fastest way to overcoming disappointment.


Those are some of the things I do when I am dealing with disappointment. The one thing I didn't mention though is that I try as much as possible and avoid people until I am able to handle myself. I do this because when someone is disappointment, it means they are hurting on the inside. From experience, hurting people hurt others and so to avoid hurting other people, I keep off until I am able to deal with people without being tempted to dump my issues on them. 


In a nutshell though, it's all about choices. You choose whether to be negative or positive in the face of adversity and disappointments.


I hope the next time disappointment comes knocking on your do you will choose to be positive because in so doing, you will get over your disappointments faster.


Be Ignited. Be Inspired. Be Influenced. Become the best version of yourself you can ever be.

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