Why do men cheat?
I'm not Dr. Love, neither do I have a "Talk to Dr. Liz" column in any newspaper or magazine (maybe some day I will); in fact, the closest I ever came to being a doctor is when I felt sorry for hurting animals and thought maybe I could do them justice if I become a veterinary..... well, that's way before I lost my innocence. Anyway, as I was saying before I digressed (as usual), I am just a normal person with non of these credentials, but lots of experience when it comes to being hurt in relationships. Yes, I do admit that at one point in my life I did fall victim to the one plague that every woman is afraid of; a cheating partner.
Why do men cheat? If you are a woman then I'm sure you must have asked this question at one point in your life...Well I guess the number of pages on google returning results to a query with this question is evidence enough that there is no one particular response that can satisfactorily answer this archaic question. However, majority of writers including Steve Harvey of the Best-Seller "Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man", have concluded that the reason why men cheat is simple: Because they can..... Oh, Reallllllllllllllllly?
Now, this post was triggered by the fact that I have been reading this book and as much as it has some great insights as to why men are from mars, some things i don't agree with such as the issue about cheating. As far as I am concerned, men cheat because they are SELFISH. Plain. Simple. Period. And this selfishness did not start last week; it has been in existence for as long as I can remember.
When I was growing up, I used to go upcountry with my grandpa every Friday and return to the city every Monday morning for school. During the weekends, being "ushago" (upcountry) like we Kenyans call it, there was always an opportunity to slaughter either a jogoo or a goat. Whatever the animal, the one thing I noted then is that certain parts (the best parts to be precise) of the nicely roasted animal would always be set aside for the men, all in the name of "tradition"... (Tradition my foot!) Looking back now, I realize the term "tradition" was a nice camouflage for SELFISHNESS.
Away from the meat-eating-traditions, let's come closer to more modern times.... I'll use an example of a nuclear family with two school going children. At the end of the term they both bring their report cards home, but unfortunately one has failed. What is the most likely scenario to play out for the one who has failed? Well, from what I have witnessed in the past, all of a sudden the child who failed will miraculously belong to the mother; you are likely to hear statements like "this child of yours is as stupid as you are", or "can you find a way of helping YOUR CHILD pull up his/her socks? No child of mine should be getting grades like this..."(like she fathered and mothered the child all by herself). And as if that's not damaging enough, he goes on to say how he used to get great grades in school - infact, he can even say how he used to be top in his class; but the most interesting this is that his certificates in the house are always under lock and key lest anyone sees how many jembes (Grade Fs) he had.... (and he wonder's why his son/daughter got Es in school....) Again, another streak of SELFISHNESS.
Now to the heart of the issue....Cheating.
it is very easy for a man to cheat on his wife/girlfriend and feel nothing about it. In fact, with the great evolvement of technology, with hand-held gadgets and smart phones becoming even smarter, cheating has just been made easier for men. Sexting, flirting and virtual affairs, pornography and masturbation have become the order of the day; in fact it is so bad that some men are not even able to satisfy their women in bed anymore because these tendencies have greatly affected their minds. And if he does, you the wife who knows he has been doing porn are left to wonder who he is really having sex with when he is in bed with you; is it the latest porn model he downloaded yesterday, or is it really me, his wife??? As you the woman are lovingly and wholely giving yourself to your man, for all you know, he could be fantasizing about some photoshopped "nana" he saw when he was porning earlier.... NKT! And dare you as a woman ask......"it is a man thing and if you can't live with it LEAVE" is likely to be the response... After giving up your best years to give birth and raise his kids? Probably even put your career on hold to hold the family together, etc. All for what? Eish!
What if the script was flipped and the woman decided to cheat on her husband, how would he handle it? Chances are likely that she would be kicked out of the house because the man cannot handle the thought of being "cheated on".... aha! So suddenly he has feelings? So suddenly cheating is not a very good idea after all? Why? Because tables have been turned on him? SELFISH human being!
And who really said that if women wanted they cannot do exactly what men do? If you ask any woman who has gone through the experience of a cheating parner, chances are very high that she has come very close to doing a "Tit-for-Tat". However, in the end, she listens to the voice of reason in her head and realizes its not worth it; truth is, "sleeping with some other dude because your husbad is cheating on you is like barking at a dog to show him who is boss"... (so between you and the dog (pun intended) who is crazy???) While your husband is busy thinking that you are not cheating because you cannot, you on the other hand are busy thinking "My body is the only thing I have control over. I will not damage it to prove a point to some fool." I say fool for many reasons...
For instance, how many times have you heard a fully grown, married man saying he is going out with a woman half his age, just because he wants to feel younger? Dude, if you are 40 years old, fooling around with a girl who is 20 years will not take 20 years off your age! Now that is a seriously foolish thought but obviously, at that point you are using the wrong head to think. If you are a dinosaur already, the only thing that can happen to you is becoming a bigger dinosaur! Infact, going out with a woman half-your age (or any other woman for that matter), when you have a dedicated faithful woman back home waiting for you goes to prove that besides being SELFISH, there are a few "S" words that would describe you, one of them being stupid.
The truth is, I can go on and on and on about this subject because I know how it feels to be cheated on, whether physically or virtually. Either way, men don't do it because they can (women can too); they do it because they are SELFISH. Like one of my male Tweep said, "Every male has the power to be the best man he can be to a woman. It all depends on when he is ready to grow up". To me, this simply means that all men who cheat on their women in any way are boys; they are yet to mature.
The "best" man described above is not SELFISH (read does not cheat) to his woman in any way; instead, he chooses to honor, love, protect, adore and be faithful to one woman; his woman. Now this is the true definition of a REAL MAN; very few remaining in the world we are living in today and my prayer is that my son will be a REAL MAN one day when he is fully grown.
If God had intended for men to cheat on their wives, then after HE created Eve, the eighth day He would have created Christine, Amy, and a few other women, then brought them to Adam. That very act of creating one man and one woman means He intended for every one man to have one woman and vice versa. As Proverbs 5: 15 says: "Drink water from your own well" - translated, this means share your body only with your spouse.
Having said everything that I've said, I'd like to acknowledge that not all men cheat. Some are very faithful to their wives/partners both physically and virtually. Similarly, not all women are faithful to their men; some are the greatest sluts known on planet earth. Infact, they give Prophet Hosea's wife (from the Bible) some serious competition. Their slutty behaviours have caused many marriages and relationships to break.
In conclusion, whether a man or a woman, the next time you think you have good reason to cheat on your partner remember that at the end of the day shear SELFISHNESS and lack of Self Control will have dictated your actions.
Self control is knowing you can do something (like cheating)... but deciding you won't. That is maturity too.